Don't you send me to vm
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
