The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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