I have demons in me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
