haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
