I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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