My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
