He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I pour the whiskey from now on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
