There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
