did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
