Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
