I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The best revenge is premature balding
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
