STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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