This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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