There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drake has all the answers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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