well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
