just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
