the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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