How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Buhtt sex?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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