I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is the high leading the old right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
