Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
