you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
