We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
