How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
