I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
