Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
