why didn't you poke me back
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
