After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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