Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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