so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
