Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
