I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
