If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
