I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
