i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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