Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
