absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
