U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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