Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
