so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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