go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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