wanna go halves on a baby?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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