i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
