hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
