Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
