nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
