Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
