Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
