Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
