You made me cry and you don't even care
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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