omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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