I got chris browned last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
