Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
