guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
