So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
