I can text with my tongue
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize