I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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