This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In America we eat man semen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize