Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This baby is an asshole
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
