so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
