ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
