the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
