While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at about main and main street
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
