Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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