I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
