I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
