The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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