i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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