i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
