It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
