Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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