At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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