So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
