I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
