I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
