Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
