I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
