He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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