i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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