I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
