My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
