im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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