I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
