I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize