I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
