I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
