Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
