idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
