My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
